


Grave yard

by Miraculous_daughter_of_posiedon



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alex Laf and Herc just want to help John, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm so sorry John, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Multi, Oh My God, Sad with a Happy Ending, Warning: Domestic Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:02:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miraculous_daughter_of_posiedon/pseuds/Miraculous_daughter_of_posiedon
Summary: John isn’t quite sure what he’s doing, but he knows he needs to stop it. He just doesn’t know how. He hasn’t had a close friend since highschool, or a friend at all, really. He just needs someone to help him out of this grave he’s dug.Oh, 'cause I keep diggin' myself down deeperI won't stop 'til I get where you are-Graveyard, Halseyto be honest this is more about John's recovery than the actual abuseInspired by @DarkMidnightRoses book Fall Away(deleted)
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, George Washington/Martha Washington, John Laurens/ Francis Kinloch, Maria Reynolds/Margaret "Peggy" Schuyler
Comments: 16
Kudos: 38





	1. Nightmares Are Dreams Too

Once upon a time, John and Francis were happy, for about two weeks that is. But Francis keeps getting more and more violent, and John has never felt so alone. For the last five months, John has lived in a constant loop. First, he wakes up to Francis biting at his neck or something of the like, it hurts but John tolerates it. When he leaves the house, he walks to the coffee shop he works at,  _ Cool Beans,  _ he puts on an apron, and deals with rude costumers, all day long. Then he goes home and has about three hours to himself before he had to start on dinner before Francis gets home from the office. Then it happens all over again tomorrow, until one of them has a day off, which always suck.

It was Vetran’s Day, and Francis had gone out with friends that morning, but would be back soon. It was around noon when Francis got home, and John was making a sandwich.

“Hello, love, did you have fun with your friends?”

“Don’t patronize me.” Francis snapped, “Do you have lunch ready yet, useless? I’m hungry.”

“Oh, uh,” John stumbled, startled by the sharp tone, “Not quite yet.”

“Not quite yet,  _ sir _ . Speak politely to your superiors.” the side of John that was still snarky, would have given Francis hell for that comment.

"Yes, sir.”

“Now, do something right for once, will you?” Francis snarled, and John got to work.

Eventually, John finished the sandwich and brought it to the dining room, setting it down in front of Francis before sitting his own down next to him with his own.

“What do you think you’re doing? I never said you could eat. Go put that in the fridge, or the garbage, I don’t care.”

That was new, but John did it anyway. He walked back to the dining room, and sat next to Francis, still confused.

“Forgive me, darling, for being sharp with you.” The hostile, dangerous look in Francis’s eyes had not faded, but John still melted at the affectionate name offered. “I only want the best for you, and you’ve been gaining weight.” John looked down in shame, tears in the corners of his eyes.  _ Does he not want me anymore? _

“Chin up, love. It isn’t anything that can’t be fixed, and I’m here to support you in it.” John beamed under the affection, melting into the kiss Francis provided. He ignored the butterflies in his stomach, that was normal in a relationship, after all. Your partner was supposed to give you butterflies.

He ignored the cold feeling in his gut when he saw a lipstick stain on the collar of Francis’s white work shirt while he was doing the laundry. Why ruin a good thing?

_ It’s funny how _

_ The warning signs can feel like the butterflies. _

  
  


John was in the middle of taking an older man’s order when a certain customer walked in. At about nine o’clock everyday, a short hispanic man walked in. John knew his name was Alex, or some variation thereof, and that he always ordered a rather strong Americano, but didn’t know anything else. That didn’t make John any less enthralled, though.

Alex moved up in line and John got ready to take his order.

“I’ll have my usual, please.”  _ he’s so polite,  _ John thought dreamily  _ can he get anymore perfect?  _

“Of course, Al, right?”

“Alex.” he corrected politely, almost sweetly, and as he walked away, John congratulated himself on the perfect blend of recognition and nonchalance, not mean but not creepy.

He called out the name and Alex walked up to grab his cup.

“Americano for ‘Alex’ not ‘Al’.” John said with a smile. Alex laughed in response.

“That would be me,” he said teasingly before glancing at John’s name tag, “John.”

John handed him his cup and Alex went to sit in his usual spot.

As his shift went on, John started to daydream.

_ What if he likes me, and we started dating? it could be so much better-  _ Then his thoughts shifted suddenly.  _ What am I doing?! I have a boyfriend! Francis would hit me so hard. Maybe that’s just it though… maybe I  _ _ don’t _ _ really have Francis? He’s been so distant lately, unless he’s hitting me. Do I really deserve that?  _ John had doubted Francis before, but it’d been awhile since he’d thought about HIM for once.  _ There’s a reason for that, nitwit. It makes him happy, who’re you to take that away from him? _

That night, John went home, like always, and began to cook dinner, like always. As he cut carrots to put into the stew, the rhythmic hit of the knife on the cutting board, John let his thoughts wander again. This time it wasn’t to another man, a certain customer from work, but of the life he might have had. If only his mother hadn’t died so young, or his father hadn’t forced him to move back to South Carolina when he was sixteen, or if he had friends when he moved back to New York, someone to tell him not to say yes to Francis. Someone in general, really.

John was shaken out of his dreamworld when the door slammed. It shocked him so much, that he cut himself on the knife. Francis walked into the room as John was applying a bandaid.

“You cut yourself?! You’re so GODDAMN Clumsy! Why don’t you ever learn? Maybe I need to teach you a lesson myself.” Francis said darkly, “Finish dinner and put it in the fridge. I’m going to the convenience store for beer, you better be ready when I come back.”

John debated standing up to him, he always did, but the same voice from earlier spoke up again.

_ You deserve it, he just wants to help you. Grin and bear it, it’s all your fault anyway. _

Francis didn’t come home that night, sending John a text saying he was going to a friend’s house for the night. He didn’t come home the next day, or the next.

Francis did this occasionally, disappearing for a few days. John knew it was his fault. Francis only left because John stressed him out so much. He was still so lonely, though.

Three days after he disappeared, Francis came in to the house. 

“Hello, love.” Francis said it so sweetly, and John basked in the affection.

He hugged Francis, putting his face in his neck, inhaling his sent.

“I’m sorry I disappeared for so long, love.”

“No, no. It’s my fault, I know I stress you out, I’m sorry. I don’t try to, I swear.”

“That’s okay, love. Let’s go to bed now, shall we?” John nodded into his neck and the two of them got into pajamas in bed.

“I have to leave early, tomorrow. I have a work thing.”

“Ok, I’ll see you tomorrow night, then.”

The two went to sleep.

The next morning, John woke early to Francis talking with somebody on the phone. He was about to roll over and go back to sleep, but something caught his attention.

“Of course, babe… Nah, he’s so naive, he thinks I’m going into work this early. I’ll see you later love.”

John rolled over and went back to sleep, trying to forget. Trying to keep the perfect relationship he had fabricated, the one he knew didn’t exist.


	2. How to Fail at Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John runs into an old friend.

By lunch that day, John might have convinced himself that the phone call was just a dream, that Francis really did love him. John might have convinced himself, if not for the very real, very awake, feeling of tears running down his face, his heart breaking, and the room suddenly becoming too small.

John had always been a good actor, he’d kept a smile on his face at school not thirty minutes after his father threatened to send him to conversion therapy. When John had come back from that same camp the summer before senior year, he pretended to be straight, and hid the scars from his classmates and teachers at the same time. Smiling at customers was easy. 

At 9:02 exactly, Alex came for his coffee, but this time there was two other people with him.

“Hi! I’ll have my usual, please. Laf? Herc?” John did a double take. _There’s no way._

“Wait, John?! Laurens?!” Hercules Mulligan asked.

“Hercules! Oh my God, man, what are you doing here?!”

“That’s what I should be asking you! I’m not the one who moved.”

“Ha! True. I moved back for college.”

“That’s great! How’s the ol’ asshat? Still being an ass?”

“The hell if I know, the guy disowned me when he foud out his oldest is a faggot.”

“Shit, man, that sucks.”  
“Just sad I can’t see my siblings, father can jump off a bridge.”

“Dude! What happened, you never used to talk like that ‘bout him.”

“Let’s just say he followed through on his threats.” Herc’s eyes widened at that, he knew exactly what John meant.

“Are you okay, dude? Do you need me to beat him up?”

“Nah, I’m fine,” In an attempt to change the topic before it got too serious John nodded his head at the two confused faces. “Introduce me.” It wasn’t a busy time in the morning so they had time to talk, they just moved away from the counter and John’s coworker moved to the counter just in case. John took a mental note to make it up to him.

“Oh! Right! Alex, Laf, this is John, he was my friend in highschool until mid-junior year when he moved to South Carolina. John, these are Laf and Alex, my boyfriends.”

“Nice to meet you guys.”

“Nice to meet you too, John.”

“You already knew me a little bit, but I think being introduced as an old friend of my boyfriend is a biiit different then you being my barista. So it’s nice to meet you, too.”

John chuckled and nodded.

“Agreed. I have to get back to my shift soon, but give me your number so we stay in touch, Herc.”

The three left and John got back to work.

“Who was that?” Ben asked as the two were working.

“Old friend and his boyfriends. Haven’t seen him since highschool. Thanks for covering me.”

“Nah, don’t mention it.”

John was giddy on his way home. He has a friend now, maybe even three! But then again, last time he’d made a friend… didn't so well.

**_🌸🌸🌸🌸_ **

_John glanced at google maps on his phone, furrowing his eyebrows and glancing around at the streets._

_“Where the hell am I?” he muttered under his breath. Well, so much for exploring his area. He’d been out walking for an hour and he was already lost. He glanced down at his phone again. Dead. ‘_ Damnit, John. What a disaster.’ _Looking around for somewhere to charge his phone, he spotted a coffee shop near-by. Finally, some good luck._

 _Walking inside, he breathed in the smell of coffee grounds. He got in line for some coffee and then looked for a spot next to an outlet. John spotted one, a table by the wall with one person sitting there, typing on a laptop, probably studying. ‘_ I really should be too ,but you just _had_ to go exploring, didn’t you John.’

_He walked up to the table, tapping the guy on the shoulder._

_“Sorry to bother you, but is that seat taken?” He asked, nodding over to the empty seat across from him._

_“Nah, be my guest.” The other guy said. John sat down. He pulled out his charger and plugged in his phone, waiting for it to turn back on. He had sticky notes in his small messenger bag, and he pulled out a pen and doodled for a minute. His screen lit up, but he decided to stay a minute._

_He sipped on his coffee, his small flower doodle turned into a flower crown and he started drawing the silhouette of a person and the hair. As John got more invested in his drawing, he failed to see the (cute) stranger glancing at him periodically. John finished the drawing, deciding to leave the face blank and the figure’s gender unknown._

_The stranger spoke to him._

_“I’m Francis.” John looked up in mild surprise._

_“I’m John.”_

_“What brings you in here?”_

_“I got lost, and my phone died. So I came in here to charge it, and then decided to stay a minute. What about you?”_

_“Studying, first month of the semester, ya’ know?”_

_“Yeah, I get that. I’m taking law. What are you taking?”_

_“I’m in law too, third year.”_

_“I’m in my first year.”_

_“Ah, a freshman. How are you liking your classes so far?”_

_“Meh, they’re alright. I’d rather be taking art, to be honest. My dad’s paying for most of it, though, and he wanted me to take law, so here I am.”_

_“That sucks man. For what it’s worth, that drawing there, looks gay. Wait- shit, I meant great.” John laughed out loud at that, not noticing how Francis grimaced at being laughed at._

_“Nah, I’m the gay one, not my drawing.” John surprised himself with the joke. ‘_ Huh, guess you really can be a new man in New York.’

_Francis snorted._

_“Same, man.” John filed away the information for later._

_“I should be going now, do some studying of my own. But if you think my drawing’s so gay, you can have it.” John winked at the last part, surprising himself again by flirting. He scribbled something at the bottom, handing it to Francis before gathering his stuff and walking away._

_He glanced at his phone, 50%. It should be enough to get him home if he stopped being an idiot and put his address into google maps._

_Meanwhile, Francis glanced at the post-it-note doodle._

**_Gay drawing to a gay pal._ **

**_Call me 🌸_ **

**_(xxx) xxx-xxxx_ **

**_🌸🌸🌸🌸_ **

That had turned out to be different than John expected, and not an entirely pleasant way, either.

 _But you know Herc,_ John’s mind reassured him, not entirely successfully, _You know Herc, Herc’s good._


	3. Life On The Line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugggghghh ive been neglecting all of my other fics for this on even though it's like... my least popular one. Kill me now
> 
> trigger warning for implied rape and implied/referenced abuse

It was a few weeks later that things started getting worse. John had been texting Herc and co. back and forth and they’d been showing up on his The day started out good. John had a day off that he didn’t tell Francis about, and he was hanging out with Herc, Laf, and Alex. He’d started becoming better friends with the two, and reconnecting with Herc. John was excited. It’d been a while since he’d had a friend he could hang out with. Francis and his relationship had quickly gone from friends to partners to toxic, and he mostly had friendly acquaintances other than that.

John kissed Francis goodbye, he had a day off today, and left the house for “work”. John was giddy as he walked to Cool Beans to meet his friends.

He opened the door, the bell ringing.

“Yo, John! What’re you doin’ here on your day off?” one of the other baristas laughed. John grinned at them.

“Meetin’ some friends here!” He grinned, sitting down at a table by the window and checking to make sure that his location wasn’t shared with Francis.

“Hello, mon ami!” John looked up, smiling wide as the trio approached him. They pulled out the chairs at their table and sat down.

“You haven’t gotten anything yet?” Alex asked quizzically.

“Nah, wanted to wait for you guys. There were only a few other customers, so there was virtually no wait.

“Ayyyyyy Johnny boy, just can’t stay away from me, huh?” John snorted.

“You know it, Dallas. Don’t tell Francis, though, I don’t think he’s willing to share.”

“Course not. We’d keep it secret, like gay lovers during the Revolutionary War.”

"We’d be aids-de-camp for the general, share a tent.”

“The general wouldn’t know. He’d unknowingly work at a desk touched by sodomites.” Dallas enunciated the word, throwing his shoulder back for emphasis.

“You’d get married to a rich woman to get ahead.”

“You’d get angry with me and- damn it I forgot the next part.”

“Aha! I win!”

“Till we meet again, Johnny. But I should probably be taking your orders, now. Don’t worry, John, I know yours already, man.”

The others blinked before ordering.

They all got their drinks before walking back to their table.

“What was _that_?” Herc asked, confused beyond belief.

“Inside joke. We add a bit each time if we get that far. First person to forget their part loses.”

“Pfff, that’s awesome.” Alex said, snorting. “Who’s Francis?”

John grimaced, but answered.

“My boyfriend.”

“Hmmm, cool. How long have the two of you been dating?”

“About six months.”

“What’s he like.” Alex asked. John sipped his coffee.

“There is no need to interrogate him, little Alex.”

“I’m not little.” Alex pouted and Herc snorted. “You two are just unusually tall!” John visibly relaxed at the topic change, not noticing the look of concern from Herc.

“Have to agree with Alex on this one. You two are like trees.” the other three marvelled at how much more at ease he looked in just a few seconds. They didn’t ask. John didn’t tell.

“See!” Alex was loud in his movements, enthusiasm filling the space his height didn’t. “Someone gets it!”

“That is only because you are both short, ma petite. You are, how you say, biased.”

“You know perfectly ‘how to say’,” Alex finger quoted, “you moldy baguette.”

They all broke out into laughter at that, John feeling alive in a way he hadn’t in a long time.

Conversation kept flowing easily between the four of them. They were caught up in each other, like magnets.

“I want a muffin, do any of you want anything while I’m up there?”

John almost said he wanted a croissant, but stopped himself. He may not love Francis, or feel any sort of loyalty to him at all, but he was terrified of what he might do to him if he ate.

“Nah, I’m good.”

Alex and Laf both asked for something lost to John, and Herc walked to the counter.

John wouldn’t find out about this conversation for another year, but when Hercules ordered their food, Dallas shared some crucial information.

“... and a poppyseed muffin.”

“Coming right up.” Dallas grabbed their order from the glass right by the counter. He handed Herc the food, but before he could even consider walking back to the table, Dallas grabbed his wrist.

“Wait. Keep an eye on John for me, will you? I don’t really know him outside of work, but we’re all getting pretty nasty vibes from his boyfriend.”

“I was kinda thinking the same thing. Never knew John to be uncomfortable talking about someone he’s even remotely into. But when we were asking about Francis, he just,” Herc paused, thinking of the right word. “Clammed up, got really uncomfortable. Thought he’d just changed since I’d last saw him, but if you guys are seeing it too, then ...”

“Yeah, no I get that. One time he came to pick John up to go on a date and well. John is really snarky with us, sarcasm and all. When Francis walked in all the life seemed to be sucked out of him, and he didn’t even seem to realize. He just tensed all up and shut down. It was scary if I’m being honest. He always comes in with bruises, just says he’s clumsy, but no one’s _that_ clumsy.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll try and keep an eye on him. I’ll let my boyfriends know too.”

With that the two shared a nod, and Hercules walked back to the table, food in hand and worry renewed.”

\----------

John was giddy on the way home, a bounce in his step that he forced himself to subdue as he walked in the front door of his and Francis’s appartment.

“Where have you been!” Francis yelled as he walked in, slapping him as he walked in. “I called your boss to ask why you had work toady, when you always have the day off. And your manager said you did. Where were you!”

“I ran into an old friend from highschool and his boyfriend the other day!” John yelped out as Francis slapped him again, knocking him a bit off balance, he stumbled. “I met up with them today! I didn’t tell you because I was worried you’d think I was lying.”

“Bullshit! You’re lying! You went on a date didn’t you!” Francis punched him and he fell into the couch. Francis glared darkly. “Guess I’m going to have to show you just who you belong to.”

“Wait! Francis! Wait! I’m not lying I promise!” John sobbed. “Please, Francis, please no, no, no, no, no.”

If the neighbors heard him screaming, they didn’t say anything.

\-------------

Blocks away, Hercules was talking to his boyfriends. They were sitting on the couch, watching Mulan.

“So… are we just going to ignore the fact that we all find John incredibly cute?” Alex asked, a little too innocently.

“Yes,” Herc responded. “Cuz we have bigger thing to worry about with him.” Alex and Laf looked at him.

“I was talking to Dallas, the barista from earlier, when I was getting our food. He told me that he suspected that John’s boyfriend is abusive.”

“It would make sense, with how he froze up when we asked about him.”

“Sorry.” Alex said, “That was intrusive, wasn’t it? You know I have a tendency to run my mouth.”

“That is just it, mon cher, it wasn’t intrusive. It was a normal question to ask. The fact that he tensed up at it is worry some.”

“And that he wasn’t only uncomfortable with that question. Anything about Francis at all made him anxious.”

“Let’s be sure to keep an eye on him.” with that, the conversation ended, the question of what the’d even do left unasked. They’d burn that bridge when they got to it.

\-------------

John limped to the bathroom. Francis had fallen asleep some time ago, John completely tense next to him, to scared to move as he waited for Francis to be deeply asleep. He entered the bathroom. He put his hands on either sides of the sink and cried.

Tomorrow, he’d walk into work smiling, hiding his limp. If one of his coworkers noticed, he’d just wink suggestively and they’d stop asking. John could be a professional actor if he wanted to. He had the act down to a science. No one needed to know anyway, he could do this himself.

John pulled his hair back and threw up the only meal he’d eaten all day. 

He’d put his own life on the line, he was the only one to blame for his misery.


	4. Level 6 friends

John woke with a start, breathing heavily. The darkness of the room was heavy and something was wrong. He wasn’t in the right place. He was wrong. He was… at the triad’s apartment, right. He fell back into the bed, put his hands over his eyes, pushed in with the heel. When he opened his eyes again there were spots in his vision. John knew he wasn’t getting anymore sleep, and the space in the room felt like a pressure over his chest. He got out of bed slowly, apprehensive in the unfamiliar room. The kitchen light was on when he got there, intent on making either tea or coffee. To his surprise he wasn’t the only one awake.

“Alex? Why’re you up?” the clicking of keys on a keyboard didn’t stop as he answered.

“I’m okay, Laf. I just need to get this down. I’ll go to bed before midnight, promise.”

“Alex… this is John. and it’s,” a quick glace at the clock read “4:30 in the morning” that seemed to break him out of his apparent trance. He looked up at John with red eyes and deep eye bags. “Oh” a pause, “Wait if it’s that early why’re you awake?”

“Just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.” John brushed off. Alex squinted his eyes at him.

“Nah, I don’t buy that. You had a nightmare didn’t you?” John froze then slowly nodded. It was quiet in the apartment, there were the sounds of the city, of course, but otherwise it was oppressively quiet.

“I hate the quiet.” Alex looked at him, seemingly unperturbed by the random statement.

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, always feels like there’s something missing, something I need to do. It’s… just agitating.”

“I get that. When I was in the foster system, I always hated when I got placements in the suburbs. It always felt like the whole neighborhood was waiting for something that would never come.”

“Exactly.” the two smiled at each other for a moment before Alex stood up.

“Come on, let's watch a show, then it won’t be so quiet.” John smiled, nodded and the two sat on the couch. They were halfway into the third episode of Merlin when John fell asleep.

Alex looked down to his shoulder in surprise at the sudden weight of John’s head. He smiled a moment before scratching lightly at John’s scalp. John hummed in his sleep, pushing his face into Alex’s neck. The next thing he knew he was lulled into one of the deepest sleeps of his life.

There were things Hercules expected to wake up to. Alex asleep on the kitchen counter, and perhaps Laf making breakfast or coffee to name a couple. Alex and John asleep and cuddling on the the couch was not one of them. They were laying across the couch, and Alex was halfway on top of John, his arm stretched across John’s chest and his nose buried in his neck. John had his arms loosely wrapped around the bottom of Alex’s back and was snoring quietly, almost more whistle than snore.

Herc felt him heart melt. Laf waled out of their bedroom and chuckled.

“Well that didn’t take long did it?”

“It’s too early in the morning for this amount of cuteness.” Herc responded as Laf wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing himself against Herc’s back and kissing his neck sweetly. Laf hummed and Herc turned himself around in his arms and kissed him good morning. He then pulled away.

“I was going to make pancakes, come on.”

Hercules was flipping the last of the pancakes when John began to stir. He opened his eyes blearily, he tensed for a second but then relaxed. He glanced down at Alex blinked, then tried to move, Alex just held on tighter. Herc laughed, and John started, causing Alex to hold on even tighter.

“Good luck with that, man. Alex may be clingy when he’s awake, but that’s nothing compared to when he’s asleep.” John slumped against the couch.

“Guess I’ll be here a while, then.” His voice was ruff from sleep and Hercules had to turn back to the pancakes to hide his blush. _Dear god, that’s hot._ Cleared his throat, looked up, tried to make sure his voice wasn’t strained. Now that he’d realized how hot John was, he wasn’t able to stop thinking about it.

“If you want pancakes, I’m sure you could use his head as a table and he’d be none-the-wiser.”

“Yeah I’ll have- I’ll have one.”

“Butter? Jam? Syrup? Honey?”

“Just butter.”

Herc was getting his own pancakes when Laf returned from the bathroom, teeth now brushed and makeup on. 

“Ah! Good morning, mon cher!” Laf went over and kissed John on the forehead. John blushed. “It seems you have been trapped by the Alex Blanket.”

“Personally I think it’s a good thing he’s been exposed to Alex this early, so we can get it out of the way.”

“Unless it scares him away.” Laf retorted and the both looked to John. He’d started to scratch lightly at Alex’s back. He was looking at him adoringly, not seeming to register their conversation. After a minute or so, he seemed to notice their eyes on him.

“Hmm, what?” Laf looked at him softly, grabbing a coffee cup from the cupboard beside him, tracing his nail in circles over the top of the mug.

“Nothing mon cher, I simply asked if you’d like some coffee.”

“Mmmm yeah sure.” Laf brewed the coffee, added some creamer and took it to John.

“Thanks, I promise not to spill it on your boyfriend.” 

“I’m not too sure that he would notice if you did.”

\----------------

Laf and Herc had left to go grocery shopping fifteen minutes ago. John was reading, and Alex was waking up.

“Well look who’s finally awake.” John said, smirking at Alex, who just groaned, the plunked his head back into John’s tummy.

“Oof!” Like a damn breaking, Alex lifted his head and began to talk.

“Shit, sorry. What time is it? Have I been laying on you all morning? Sorry, I can move now if you’d like, or rather I can’t exactly, because my muscles don’t want to move, but if you put up the leg rest, I can roll onto it and give you more space, or allow you to move, I guess. Sorry.” John laughed and reached behind him, and put up the leg rest. True to his word Alex rolled the upper half of his body onto it.

“Don’t worry Alex, I hadn’t been planning to stand up until noon today, and it’s still eleven. Besides, you’re warm.”

“When do you start your new job? Also where is it, I don’t think you ever told us.”

“Oh! I start Monday, and it’s a restaurant a few blocks away from the coffee shop, I think it’s called ‘Cheerful Cricket, Busy Bee’” Alex light up.

“My boss’s wife owns that! She runs it with her daughter Patsy.”

“That’s really cool! I think it may have been Patsy who interviewed me.” They paused for a moment, both staring at the ceiling before John spoke again. “I’ll get paid more, which’ll be nice, but d’you wanna know my favorite part?”

“Hm?”

“Francis has no idea it exists.”

“Do you think he’d try and find you?”

“Wouldn’t put it past him.”

“How’d you end up with him anyway? You explained it a bit when we were moving you out of the apartment, but just, how did that happen.”

“Oh ok, so we’re doing this now,”

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“No, no it’s ok I just wasn’t expecting it. You're at least a level six friend, so you've unlocked my tragic bakstory” he took a deep breathe.

“We didn’t meet till college, but in hindsight, it kind of started in high school. I was alone a lot. Me and Herc tried to stay in touch for awhile, but I mean, my mom had just died, and my father moved us across the country. I wasn’t motivated to do much other than half ass my homework and try not to get into fights with my father and classmates. So we grew apart eventually.

“None of my classmates liked me much. I’m a person of color and even when I wasn’t exactly out, it was pretty obvious I wasn’t exactly straight. I don’t know what it was but it was there and that’s all that really mattered. Not everyone was a jackass, but most of the ones who may have been nice to me were scared of their parents, the church, or their friends. And as for the others, well I didn’t exactly come across as friendly.

“You can’t have been the only queer student at your school.” John shook his head.

“Nah, I wasn’t. I mean there were probably a bunch that were either closeted or in denial. There were three other known queer kids in school. Well, two, technically I guess, because the other gay guy finished the year online because the bullying got so bad that his parents didn’t want him to stay on campus. There was also a trans girl and a guy who was bi ace. The guy dropped out and the trans girl well, she-she killed herself.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yeah, there was a time in senior year when I-I thought about well, following her example. But I never got to that point, honestly probably only because I’d gotten my acceptance letter to school here in New York around that time. 

“But anyway, I got to New York and started college. I hated law, but my father decided it for me, and at least no one was spray painting “fag” and “cocksucker” my locker anymore. I met Francis and it was exhilarating because, a) he was queer and I’d never really met someone so comfortable with their sexuality before and b) he wanted to be friends with me. I was so lonely and it was like the universe was saying ‘poof! Here’s this really awesome guy and he wants to be friends. Here’s where everything turns around for you!’. And I know now that meeting Francis is probably one of the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it was impossible to see it that way at first.

“He played nice for a while, he got mean after we got disowned, but it only got really bad a few month before you guys showed up in the coffee shop. I guess he saw something in me he could use. You know, poor repressed gay guy looking for something or someone to save him, plus a lot of other crap I’m not exactly ready to talk about yet.”

“Of course, whenever you’re ready. And John,” Alex leaned up onto his side, looking at John so intensely that John was sure he could see the lining of his soul, “I know you don’t need anyone to save you and you don’t want them to, and you’re so strong, and so brave, and one of the coolest people that I’ve ever met, but you can’t carry everything on your own. You’re human, and you’re not perfect, but I’m right here, so are Herc and Laf. You’ve always got a shoulder to lean on, three in fact, and we’d never judge you for anything that’s happened to you.” John started crying, and Alex pulled him to his chest.

“I’m just so tired! I’m so tired of be-being the victim! And- And I don’t even know how to protect myself anymore!”

“Sh, sh I know, I know. We’ll help you relearn how, you don’t have to do this alone, you’re not alone anymore, and we’re never going to leave you, ok. Wanna know why? Because we love you, we love you far too much to ever leave you to handle this on your own. You’re our best friend and we love you, so so much.” Alex held John until he got up sniffing and wiping his face.

“I’m, ah, I’m going to get a shower. Herc made pancakes earlier. I think there’s some left in the fridge if you’re hungry.” Then he walked towards his room, exited a few moments later with some clothes, and went into the bathroom.

Alex got up and forced himself to grab a pancake, microwave it and butter it. He couldn’t tell if he was just genuinely not hungry, or if he had convinced himself that he wasn’t. He took a bite, heard the shower start and thought about what John had told him. _It sounds like South Carolina really screwed him over_ , he thought grimacing, _and there’s more that he still isn’t able to say_. He thought about the trans girl who killed herself, thought about how that had almost been him, adjusted his binder, cut his pancake, ate it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name of Martha's diner comes from a quote of hers that i found.  
> This chapter is partially just setting some stuff up for some stuff I want to include in the future. I'm thinking of doing a separate book in this verse for Alex and Herc in high school. I think I also said in an earlier chapter that Alex met Herc through Laf but I'm changing that because I have ~plans~.


End file.
